Burnt. It was how I made my eggs – which always left me thinking of you. When did I tire of the highborn drama, the ranting and raving? Was that just yesterday? You left me carcinogenic with a rotted out core. Used up and adrift far from the shore. Burnt like my toast, unable to be salvaged with a scrape of the knife. Soul hungry and weary with nothing left to give. And yet there is a spark, a space that cannot be touched, a place where burns cannot leave a mark. Here where I stand, on the opposite shore.
It sits in me, this restless urge to fight the depths of what I do not know. To bring light to the space where darkness grows. The void, pitch black, the feared and the not. Sacred somehow in its time and space. Of me it does not care, I am merely the beast knocking at its door. The fire breathing tendrils and caught up smoke, trapped and panting with rapid eye. I am the nothing to its all. The attached and unaware. Still I dive the depths and search in frantic waves. This thing that is me, aware and free.
Its sits inside me, an eternal flame, demanding quietly, gently, something more. Breathing it in, breathing it out, it hungers for all I can give. Every experience, taste and sound it wants to know. Every touch it wants to feel. A bottomless pit I cannot feed enough. It wears my skin. Knows no bounds as it reaches for you, eager to sample yet again another sweet drop of tumultuous heat, rousing from the deepest places in me to the sky. Somehow to bear witness, to prove with nothing more than breath the sanctity of us. Satiation there will never be.
The salted sleep, the ocean waves, sand between my toes, safety, peace, the world revolving round, trees in the wind, all the simple things neglected or that which has been taken for granted. The heart fractured and now opening, healing, the stars in the sky, books, fingers entwined. The innocence returned with wisdom entwined. Songs, peals of laughter, dogs barking and a smattering pitter pattering of rain falling. Knowledge life’s enumerable pains all pass. It is not the big moments remembered, more the day to day grind forgotten in its simplicity and the growth of soul, now that is bliss.
It is a word I rarely use these days. Seems I misplaced contentment upon entering the birth of another year. Funny how strongly I held it, how well I remember the feel and the taste. For something that so quickly slipped my grasp I do not recall when it was lost. I’d chase it if I thought that was wise; drink it in greedily the way one thirsts on a hot summer’s day. It is there, lurking, felt down below where the Soul grows. A fissure waiting to explode, I’m content within the knowing the peace is stirred from underneath. Continue Reading →
I’ve adapted to the chaos, to the push pull, to the thoughts going round and round on this merry go round here alone inside my head. I’ve adapted to the dance of two steps forward one step back, of singing a little off key. I’ve adapted to never knowing just how things will go and the unexpected surprises and ambushes life likes to throw. I’ve adapted to the fact change is one of those things I can love and hate, sometimes at the same time. I’ve adapted to knowing what was, is no longer what is. A never ending process. Continue Reading →
My God Send. What on earth did I do before Google? Actually try to remember things? Got an argument over a not so known fact, need directions, or have a book report due the next day? Count on Google to save your day. Want to download a picture, find a gift, can’t remember the name of a song, just the lyric repeating endlessly in your head. Go ahead, just Google. Be a Google King or Queen. Everyone can get in on the fun. Need to learn something new? How to repair that old shoe or the latest game walk through?
Could have been the day I brought that tiny black brown thing home. Seemed more the foretold bad omen of one running across your path. A lifelong commitment, what am I thinking? 15-20 years or until one of you dies. Don’t get attached, you don’t really want this universal gift of black nose and fur. Unnamed, unknown, but cared for; it became the center of my very small world. So cool now, strutting his stuff, reclining, growling, prowling, how empty the house when he isn’t home. The muse for future words, car companion and pocket purse kitty. Auspiciously universal indeed. Continue Reading →
Sacrifice is what he gave me. Sacrifice is what I gave him. Thousands of strands wrap it all up in a pretty bow. No words can describe, no words can encompass the feelings swirling in the air. Stand close, stand near; watch the slight of hand disappear. Time marched along the beach in churned up grains of sands saying I was here. Wrote it deep, this place upon our heart. Tide comes in, sea salt bubbles in the groove. Heals our collective wound and then the tide goes out. Faded memories. This place, open again, slate clear. Done is done. Continue Reading →
You were not mine by paper, name or deed. I didn’t pick you out or bring you home. I wasn’t there for the puppy years. In curses your name passed from family lips. Stubborn and smart. Our mini cow. Your place is cemented in my heart. I will miss your steadfast ways, the beast always at my side. The couch and floor are cleaned of drool. No thud of head echoes around the room. There is no pantry guard or quiet ankle kisses. Emptiness has claimed the spots you occupied. And yet, there are paw prints embedded in my heart.