Oh, the things I am going to do to you. Your death will seem quaint, bordering some line of eloquence and elegance. Okay, so it wasn’t death, but my how you inspire when glimpsed from the bottom of your infinity pool. I cannot tell a lie. You brought me to some strange place with an idea and a face. Emerging from an imaginary queue, as if an actor on audition, though, I’m not sure who is auditioning for whom. With a sparkle in your eye, curled lip exposes fang. Why Tristan, is than an invitation to bite or be bit?
Strumming strings, beaten drums, cascading piano keys sweeter than crashing waves, however it comes, music is the drug. Lyrics, primal in screamed out words or etheric with haunting timbres and hushed low sounds, mumbled and googled for meaning. Sometimes that doesn’t even matter. It is the rhythm, how it repeats, the song constantly playing in my head. I am lost on mountain peaks to voices speaking in ancient tongue. Traveling on sheer emotion, lifted up, inspired, romanced, energized, brought down, the sad song, singing away my blues. Books are the soul of my eyes, songs, the heart of my ears.
Burnt. It was how I made my eggs – which always left me thinking of you. When did I tire of the highborn drama, the ranting and raving? Was that just yesterday? You left me carcinogenic with a rotted out core. Used up and adrift far from the shore. Burnt like my toast, unable to be salvaged with a scrape of the knife. Soul hungry and weary with nothing left to give. And yet there is a spark, a space that cannot be touched, a place where burns cannot leave a mark. Here where I stand, on the opposite shore.
It slides, slipping degree by degree down that slippery slope. A dark diamond, exquisite, tear shaped, catching light along this fiery plight. The pain so ripe, showing me how blood blossoms in beads. Jagged edges, little nicks, cutting flesh, leaving scars upon the heart. Strange how fragile the pain, an elixir of tears in crystal drops. So much more weighty than joy. It wears me low. I crave only dark, a place to shut my eyes. I’m so tired. Vibrating through my nerves, the pain reminds me I am alive. Even here, caught in a landslide, I can still feel.
Like any book nerd, I’m constantly searching for good books. My favorite place of perusal are used bookstores. The real kind with paperbacks shoved in piles against walls and stuffed on copious shelves that one gets lost between. The slight musty hint of paper/glue lingering in the air. Back in the day, there were no benches, comfy couches, or coffee. Only nooks to lean in and floors to sit on. Books there had dog eared pages, well-worn covers and bent spines attesting to other people’s empty love affairs. I rescued as many as I could before Kindle. **Thank you Bookworm Continue Reading →
Old socks, comfortably worn with threadbare jeans. The favorite shirt, stained and faded, hiding the bra that refuses to die with the poked out underwire. Too soft, too well worn, like part of my skin sown inside out with red thread. Stretched out elastic, tiny holes, unraveling strings, popped buttons, weaved cotton, rayon, polyester blend, frayed and abraded from contact sports and sliding seats. The snagged silk, dry-clean only. The hand wash fiasco, dry flat sweater, shrinking and warping with each go round in washer and dryer. All, beloved items yet the closet is full, it needs to be purged.
Character drops word bomb. Roll with it or not? Check gut. Roll with it. Think this is stupid. How can this possibly make it to the final edit of the book? I’m only wasting time writing these words. Pour heart out on the page. Don’t hit delete. Just leave it to marinate overnight on the page. Come back, debate. Let it marinate some more, tweak and find I’ve been pulling this thread the entire time since before I ever put a word down on a page. This is good. Continue with plot and character arcs. Got a new word bomb.
It runs in your veins creating ice trails through that splintered heart. I didn’t see the crystal shards embedded in your blue blooded, pale hand or the deep-freeze under ninety degrees that never thaws. It lingers in your voice, the cold, detached goodbye, the frosted turned cheek, and the dismissal with your eyes. How I wish we never got involved. I’m tired of the hardened heart, the chill of this empty bed, the heat misplaced and displaced. How simple things roll off your banks and careen down mountainsides laden with snow. Caught in the avalanche and buried in your cold.
Sometimes I wonder how they connect, those glistening jewels above, creating myth and legend in the night sky. Past from generations, word of mouth, we sit and stare. Each star a beacon, tracing back the years. How many pointed to the heavens, creating beauty with upswept fingers in the air? Whispered words in reverent tones, the stories around campfires told. Or lulled to the rhythm of a rocking boat, just how to navigate. Lost and found, warrior or lover, all search for the constellation they call their own. While remembering the North Star is always there to guide us home.
Responsible, life affirming, love you to the moon and back. You eat your cereal in loud slurping smacks though I can’t name the color of your eyes. Shaggy haired dog, aw shucks kind of man and yet, you lawyer in, pushing, cajoling, somehow seeing the big picture without losing too many details. The closest you get to yard work is staring out the window. Later, always later, there is more paperwork to do. Then you give with all your heart, bleed out willingly though you are blind, a fool. There is more to see than your solitary point of view.