It is a word I rarely use these days. Seems I misplaced contentment upon entering the birth of another year. Funny how strongly I held it, how well I remember the feel and the taste. For something that so quickly slipped my grasp I do not recall when it was lost. I’d chase it if I thought that was wise; drink it in greedily the way one thirsts on a hot summer’s day. It is there, lurking, felt down below where the Soul grows. A fissure waiting to explode, I’m content within the knowing the peace is stirred from underneath.
I’ve adapted to the chaos, to the push pull, to the thoughts going round and round on this merry go round here alone inside my head. I’ve adapted to the dance of two steps forward one step back, of singing a little off key. I’ve adapted to never knowing just how things will go and the unexpected surprises and ambushes life likes to throw. I’ve adapted to the fact change is one of those things I can love and hate, sometimes at the same time. I’ve adapted to knowing what was, is no longer what is. A never ending process.
My God Send. What on earth did I do before Google? Actually try to remember things? Got an argument over a not so known fact, need directions, or have a book report due the next day? Count on Google to save your day. Want to download a picture, find a gift, can’t remember the name of a song, just the lyric repeating endlessly in your head. Go ahead, just Google. Be a Google King or Queen. Everyone can get in on the fun. Need to learn something new? How to repair that old shoe or the latest game walk through?
Could have been the day I brought that tiny black brown thing home. Seemed more the foretold bad omen of one running across your path. A lifelong commitment, what am I thinking? 15-20 years or until one of you dies. Don’t get attached, you don’t really want this universal gift of black nose and fur. Unnamed, unknown, but cared for; it became the center of my very small world. So cool now, strutting his stuff, reclining, growling, prowling, how empty the house when he isn’t home. The muse for future words, car companion and pocket purse kitty. Auspiciously universal indeed.
Sacrifice is what he gave me. Sacrifice is what I gave him. Thousands of strands wrap it all up in a pretty bow. No words can describe, no words can encompass the feelings swirling in the air. Stand close, stand near; watch the slight of hand disappear. Time marched along the beach in churned up grains of sands saying I was here. Wrote it deep, this place upon our heart. Tide comes in, sea salt bubbles in the groove. Heals our collective wound and then the tide goes out. Faded memories. This place, open again, slate clear. Done is done.
The sea gave and it took away, pushing inland, receding, wave after wave. I’d have gone with it if I could. Perhaps numbed myself in the eternity of such a gentle lull but I knew it would not last. Breathing in, breathing out even this I cannot control. How my heart aches. I feel so damn old, ground to fine dusted bone stretched in skin. Life keeps pressing in. And with it the waves roll, in then out as sand grips my feet, sucking them into place as if this encasing to the land will soothe my soul while the waves crash about. The ancient rhythm I hear is the pounding of earth and sea. It seeks solace somewhere deep inside of me. White crested Continue Reading →
You were not mine by paper, name or deed. I didn’t pick you out or bring you home. I wasn’t there for the puppy years. In curses your name passed from family lips. Stubborn and smart. Our mini cow. Your place is cemented in my heart. I will miss your steadfast ways, the beast always at my side. The couch and floor are cleaned of drool. No thud of head echoes around the room. There is no pantry guard or quiet ankle kisses. Emptiness has claimed the spots you occupied. And yet, there are paw prints embedded in my heart.